Day 3 – Rest Day.
Oh, my god. Thank you Chloe Ting. I have exercised in some shape or form for over a week solid every day. I needed a rest day. My body needed a rest day. Although, apparently I decided that I wasn’t going to just do nothing. Oh no. I decided in my infinite wisdom that today was going to be the day that I cleansed my house of the shit that had built up over the last week. Any recycling that needed to go out, was taken out, any fluff that needed removing was removed. Any hidden SPIDERS… were not hidden anymore. Shit what an experience. You can all laugh at me as much as you want but I hate spiders, I hate them, think of me as Ron Weasley from Harry Potter. I DO NOT like spiders.
I unfortunately found one nestled quite comfortably in the corner of my corner couch. (WHY!?). I had no idea it was there. I had no idea how it had got there. Nor did I have any idea how long it had been there. I was minding my own business cleaning. I had just finished putting things away now it was the couch’s turn to have its cushions flipped and shuffled around the couch to keep them comfy and in good condition. I started with the short end of the corner piece. All was peaceful. Until I got to the corner. Naturally, I yanked the first corner back cushion away from the back of the couch and paused when I felt something that felt oddly like stick fur against my arm. Well, that pause led me to check my arm with my eyes while my brain was thinking ‘What the fuck?’. I realised that it was web… I thought it was just a measly bit of dust cobweb, sort of like the stuff you get hanging from your ceiling. The web is there but typically you can’t see the spider. No. This wasn’t that kind of occasion. I turned my eyes back to the back of the couch and a yell mixed with a gasp erupted out of my panic stricken body. The thing was huge. Mostly brown with a yellow butt. It had all eight legs still attached and wow, could it move.
Now, at this point, the first thing that popped into my head was ‘How the fuck did you wedge yourself there and live?’, then another thought occurred to me. ‘How long have you been there!?’ Keep in mind that my partner and I sit on that couch every day. Every day. Sadly, I was struck with another thought and it was the worst thought to come to mind for me in this situation. ‘Oh no, I have to get rid of you!’. Why me? Why me? I hate spiders, I can barely deal with the tiny ones. If I notice that that tickling on my arm is a creepy eight legged thing crawling on me, I barely stop myself from freak out killing it. And I feel itch for hours afterwards. I seriously, can’t cope. So seeing this thing in my couch. Not the best situation for me to be in right now. There were a couple of options that came to mind on how to deal with this. Firstly, find a way to get it off the couch and into the path of a rather fearless and quick reflexed canine I lovingly call Luna. Secondly, the stereotypical glass and a piece of paper trick. To call it a trick would be useless for me, because the moment the glass gets close enough to the spider I freak out realising how close my hand is to the spider and can’t do it.
Well, no matter how useless the trick might be. I went for option number two. I live in the UK. The land of harmless spiders. Unless you are a fly. As much as I hate them, their only crime to me is existing and it isn’t fair to punish them for that so the bugger in my couch gets to live another day. Just not in my couch.
I didn’t have the guts at first to get it with the glass so I ran up to my partner (who was working) to hysterically cry laugh at the fact that there is a spider in the corner of our couch. He calmly, and apologetically told me that he was working, that I would be fine, and just find a big glass to trap it in. Aw, I couldn’t do it. I made it worse. I was freaking myself out, and I couldn’t quite get it properly with the second cushion in the way. So, I went to move it out of the way. This was when things just went wrong. As I slowly pulled the second cushion away from the back of the couch I heard and saw the crinkling of the spiders web that it had made between the cushions and the couch frame as it stretched. The spider panic ran on to the web and onto the cushion that I was holding. I screamed dropped the cushion flat and the spider nestled itself into the crease of the cushion. I wanted to cry.
I wasn’t coping very well with this so I phoned my mother for what I thought would be emotional support. No, I had not anticipated that my situation would be hysterically funny. It was, but wasn’t all at the same time. When I called her I think I worried her. The first thing I said was ‘I need emotional support’. It wasn’t until after she asked me why, what’s wrong? that I proceeded with the spider situation. She laughed and said that I would be ok, that it won’t hurt me, and that it is more afraid of me than I am of it. Erm… If you could see me… I doubt it but ok. During the phone call, the spider had decided to move out of sight, which was the worst thing it could possibly do. I can’t catch it if I don’t where it is, and if I don’t catch it now, it might turn up later ON ME. No! No! Nope! I took a timid whimpy action and moved the cushion a little to see what happened. Something happened. Something I really didn’t want to happen. It speed crawled out from the cushions, over the top of the couch and down the back. Oh shit.
I screamed. Then cursed. My mum was probably peeing herself laughing, even though I know for a fact, if this was happening to her she would be freaking out just the same! Ha! Well, this just got complicated. It has gone to where I can’t reach. And it can only go one of two ways at this point. Up and over while we are chilling playing games, writing, reading, or watching something. No, no, just no! Or under, around our feet or on our feet, crawling up legs, inside shoes. No, no, Seriously no! My mum had to end the call as she was still in work and dealing with my melodramatic spider problem is not really a good excuse to not be doing work. I was left with a problem. I can’t rest knowing that that huge spider was on the couch. Knowing that it could crawl on me… I nap on this couch sometimes!
I ran into my kitchen and got a mop. I started using the stick end of the mop to tap the ends of the couch to see if I could spook the creepy crawly into coming out of its hiding place. That didn’t work. I went to the longer end of the couch and pulled it away from the wall to see if I could see it. I couldn’t see it. Actually, I couldn’t find it at all at the back of the couch. Which was weird because it had ran down there. Then my eyes looked down. Right in front of my legs. On the side of the couch. There is was. I screamed and jumped back away from the couch and literally cried that I didn’t want to deal with this anymore.
It was in that position that it had decided to stay very still. Still enough for me to capture it in an empty cute nutrition tub. I couldn’t do it with a glass. The glass was too small and I was freaking out far too much. I got the big tub instead and held it out in front of me with two hands. I was even leaning over the top of the side tables we had beside the couch using them as a guard wall. Like the tables could save me from a spider… But I caught it in the end. I caught it and put it out in the front garden amongst the grass. Where I assumed it would find the most amount of food available.
That was my rest day… Not very restful. But it was eventful. I was emotional, and I was recovering from a freak out episode over a spider. Yes, I discovered on my rest day that I am a huge coward. I didn’t feel very fit and strong after that if I am honest.
Thank you so much for reading. Write again soon. Bye!