I feel awful.
I want to write well, and being able to write well is having good characters, good character development, and plot and everything else. Well I can say I don’t know if I have any of that, or even so much as accomplished that at any point.
But I have been writing my Games in Politics parts to prepare them for posting. I actually have a full weeks worth of parts ready to post but these particular parts have made me feel different when writing them. I was looking into Halina’s brother, his character is twisted, he has a certain view on who should make it in the world and who shouldn’t, and he has a weird love for his sister which is why she isn’t dead, and why Galahad isn’t dead either. But it doesn’t mean he hasn’t seen an opportunity to exploit his sister and her companion. He has always been this dark way, with his opinions from school to now, only now he has been put into power to implement his ideals and he is by no means shy of removing anyone who blocks that plan. He will even do it himself.
For the benefit of this character I looked into some political stories and debates that actually occurred in real life. And I struck upon one that I think would definitely hit the spot for Halina’s brother. Or at least be the stepping stone. Thankfully, and I mean this sincerely, this specific political story that I have chosen has not come true, and I hope it never does.
Writing with this subject theme in mind though and concentrating on how this would make sense in that characters head has made me feel almost a little bit dirty in a way. I don’t agree with the character and neither does the main characters but they aren’t the only characters I have to think about. I haven’t felt like this before when writing a character with a dark subject matter. I mean I wrote a script for University that was based off a story that my partner’s mother told me really happened. But I didn’t really have to focus on the guy and his motivations and how that would make sense for him to do that. I focused on the effects of it really. This though, this I have had to delve deep and I don’t feel like came back out of that totally clean.
Is this normal for some writers? I know everyone is different, but I haven’t had anyone really talk about these dark characters. They normally talk about the main character or the support character with the main. Has anyone else felt this way? It is dark, it is the reason they haven’t been posted yet, I am sort of stalling because I feel a little bad about writing it. I didn’t even write it as a shock factor it was just because it was a subject to actually come up and it (forgive me) suited the character that I have been writing.
I feel dirty. Not in a good way. But needs must.
Thank you for reading. Write again soon! Bye!