Little Ruffian

As everyone knows I have two huskies. Bandit who is my vet puppy/grumpy old man. And then there is Luna. She is beautiful, the closest to a wolf looking dog I will probably ever get to. She has magnificent beauty and she is so healthy I would despair if anything was to happen to her (Touching wood). However, she has one gigantic flaw that I could kill her for. Love clearly stamps out that murderous intent that she is still alive but this week she has balanced herself on the edge of my sanity. Luna, my beautiful Luna wolf, is a glutton. I mean this literally.

She acts as if she is being starved. She is so desperate for anything that she might could as edible that she will break things and steal just have it. And she can eat more than a seriously obese person. Once a few years ago while myself and the family were out at the pictures Luna stole a full large fourteen inch pepperoni pizza and a full box of cheesy chips that were waiting for us to come back to. When we came back we were greeted by a barrel with legs. She was so bloated that her belly was round like a barrel and solid. There was no way she could have eaten anything more if she wanted to but she would have wanted to and would have tried had there been more food.

Another example of her gluttony ruined two Christmas dinners. One in which she stole the Christmas Turkey. The second she stole the Christmas Turkey and the Ham! The ham still had the string on it! I should know the string was in her poop the next day… It was a miracle that there didn’t seem to be any damage on the way out.

She also somehow mangled a tin of beans and sausage. I mean mangled. The tin wasn’t already open. She had opened it and tor it apart like someone trying to tear open wrapping paper around a Christmas present. And let me tell you, because my mum would have definitely told me if there was any, Luna left no evidence of the tomato sauce that surrounded the beans and the small cocktail sausages. The only evidence was the mangled up tin that she physically couldn’t eat. Also, so had managed to do this and not leave a single scratch on her gums, her tongue, or her mouth in general. I don’t know how she does it, or did it but I count her as incredibly lucky.

To her misfortune her gluttony ran out of last week when she decided to steal three packets of jelly sweets and then steal empty McDonalds fries packets. Her stomach rejected this and basically everything that she ingested came back out again. Now, usually when a dog is about to be sick there is a sort of rev up point. They convulse long enough for me to get them out into the back garden. This didn’t happen instead it just poured out of her mouth… and onto her bed. It was a combo of yellow stomach fluids, jelly sweets, and the ripped up bits of cardboard from the fries packets.

At first I looked at the bed not really sure where to start. My stomach turned at the thought that one slightly wrong tilt would have resulted in the living room carpet being permanently ruined. Could you imagine the smell? Oh Christ… The idea of accidentally touching it with my skin was another thing that made me want to cringe. The urge to just not deal with it was very very high. But I dealt with it the only way I could stomach it. I dumped it in the back garden and hosed it down. I also decided to attack Luna with a hose as well. I was about to let her in when more coughed out of her. She was sick all day. I wasn’t sure if I could let her in or out. I wasn’t sure if she was going to be like that all night as well. Luckily she seemed to perk up a little later so I didn’t have to stay up all night to watch her.

What made this situation worse was that she had broken my partner’s glasses. Not just cracked. There was a large hole in the lens. I had to make sure I collected the pieces and the vacuum the living room to avoid any accidental glass in feet scenarios. By feet I mean human and dog. Paws are feet. Taking responsibility for this given that they are my dogs I have paid to replace those spectacles.

She still hasn’t learnt anything she got into the kitchen and broke her dog food bowl. I had to glue it together. I had to check her paws and face to make sure she hadn’t cut herself with any of the sharp edges because there was signs of blood. She is so fussy. She hates anyone touching her paws or her face. So fighting with her to check her gums while she is pawing at me and trying to run made the experience a little awkward. But I managed to win the fight and couldn’t find any scratches or cuts. Once again lucky ruffian.

I love both of my dogs. And I feel like I should clarify this because sometimes, just sometimes, I could KILL her for being so stupid. She gets regular meals every day, she gets little doggy chocolate buttons as treats. I really wish she would just not be so desperate for food. She isn’t starving.

Thank you for reading. Write again soon. Bye!