Job Trap, Blocks, Desired Career.

The definition of a writer.

a person who has written something or who writes in a particular way.

“the writer of the letter”

a person who writes books, stories, or articles as a job or occupation.

“Dickens was a prolific writer”

Google.

I have wanted to be a writer for a long time. Right now according to that definition above I am a writer in the sense I do write constantly. However, I’d like to become an author. At the moment it isn’t enough to just write. I love it. Disappearing into a world inside my head. But I would like it to make it somewhere. It isn’t enough to just do it anymore.

The added pressure of the bad job I have to disappear to every week is just making my frustrations more intense. I constantly think that work is in the way rather than helping me, and I wake up in angry fits from the job nightmares I seem to be having every night. It is supposed to be a job that I go to, earn money to live, go home and be ok. That isn’t happening. What is happening instead is work is draining my energy to the point that I can literally say is soul sucking. My emotional state is being constantly bashed at until I literally get home and want to do nothing else but sleep.

I remember listening to a podcast episode from Waterstones. There was an author that was describing how he was totally exhausted between working trying to write. Honestly, I am exhausted between trying to keep the house in a functional condition (even with my partners help), trying to get my business up and running again (as well as keeping up my fitness while I can’t specifically train), looking after my dogs, and… working. Oh god I hate my job.

I am feeling a little bit like that dream of becoming an author is slowly slipping out of my fingers. My job feels a little bit like it is getting in the way. I am trying to work out how to get passed this exhaustion and still continue to write around work but the imagination just dies after I have been in work. The brain stops functioning.

Hopefully, I can get passed this current bitterness. Normal is not fun. But I’d like to make a new normal for myself eventually.

Thank you for reading. Sorry about the misery and complaining. Write to you soon. Bye!