I quit my job today.

That wasn’t the plan. Although I won’t deny it wasn’t an option I wasn’t thinking about. It wasn’t part of the plan.

The job was an uphill battle from the beginning. Purposely set up to fail from day one. Let me explain. I worked in a fast food establishment. Most, if not all, of you will know this establishment, but I will not name it. I will just say it is a big food establishment.

When I started, there were only two other staff members, the manager and an idiot. At first it was alright. One of the cooking machines was broken, but that had been broken before the manager had got there. It had not been fixed for a while by the looks of it, and let me tell you. I worked there for five weeks and it is still not fixed even now. So, there were certain things we couldn’t serve. The next thing to go, was the toilet, this might have been a week into my starting, maybe less and someone had broken the toilet. Not only had someone broken it, but even though we had blocked it off with a barrier, as well as another post in front of the other door, we even put a sign up on the door saying out of order. Someone still took a big shit in the toilet and left it… this happened every time on one particular person’s shift. The idiots. Not only did the idiot pick and choose when he decided to come in, meaning that we missed two deliveries. The idiot would constantly talk to me as if he was a level above me. Even though, I knew for a fact he wasn’t. We hired another lady, because of the unreliability of this idiot.

Now, I know the manager nagged and nagged the area manager to get the toilet and the microwave sorted, she nagged the area manager about the banking, about near enough everything that was going wrong in the store. Do you know what he admitted? That he was just looking to get rid of it, and that it was set up to fail… What? What? Then why would you hire someone as management? Why would you ensure job security that wasn’t there?

So, the manager left. Oh my god. How unbearable was this going to be…? The idiot ended up self-appointing himself to do the rota. The first thing I told him was that I wasn’t available this friday. First shift he gives me is friday… What!? When I said “sorry, I’m not available”. The response I got was “What days are you available for?”. Again what!?

On the day he scheduled himself in by himself he messaged by myself and the other lady if we wanted any hours that day. The next day I had swapped my friday shift so I was working the thursday. I get a message from the idiot. Saying that once again he couldn’t make it, once again that he was “really stuck”. Because this time I didn’t give in and just surrender to covering for him he got himself unstuck. But it only meant that he was two and a half hours late.

I couldn’t look at him. I didn’t speak to him. Actually when he finally came in I got to the end of my shift I clocked out and left. The next day I was off the other lady covered my close. She was still there an hour after she should have been with a list of stuff to do, and some of those things should have been done before the idiot (who left early) and she decided after being told that her ability to get home safely didn’t matter that she was quitting. She did quit and I was restless all night dreading the idea that I was being left to work with the idiot by myself. I decided to stick it out because I needed a job, but I walked in today and found the back of the store right in front of the exit was blocked by a huge pile of cardboard and three big bags of rubbish. One of them ripped open. The coffee machine didn’t have any of these polo shaped cleaning tablets which meant that I couldn’t use the coffee machine. I know this to be fact that the manager before she left told the area manager that we need more and once again nothing was done.

All of this was in bias for another branch because it was busier… Seriously!? You’re area manager!? which means you should be making sure every store has everything it needs to function. All he would say or do is send over the money that that branch would make and compare it to the one we worked at! Seriously!? Stop it!

So… When I walked in this morning and realised that once again today was going to be a battle of the “I’m so sorry but…” and trying to get work done, I would have to do extended hours as the person who was due to be on to take over had just quit. A feeling hit me. A sudden harrowing dread. I couldn’t do it. I quit my job today.

I have not quit a job so abruptly before. But that harrowing feeling hasn’t passed. It is still sitting in my chest. Knocking my stomach sick. I haven’t got a job…

I never felt so motivated by fear.

I drove to my Mum’s house to use her partner’s printer. We printed out twenty copies of my cv. I went around the local town to hand them out, some of them wouldn’t take them, some of them did. Others were online applications only.

I filled out applications.

There is a weird feeling in my chest that seems to beat with my heart beat. Swells and lessens with every breath. I don’t feel a sense of relief. I’m back where I started… no progress made.