Well, the last three weeks have been… for a lack of a better word… interesting. Things that I thought would happen months down the line are happening within days maybe even weeks.
I’ve been looking into a new diet, and exercise regime. Well, I say diet, I think my main issue is that I just don’t eat healthy enough which I am fixing as of this week. I want to eat healthier, the bonus is losing the weight that I have packed on over the last couple of months. Then there’s the exercise, I love running, and I want to work on handstands, pole, and everything else I can get my funds around. But because I have been essentially in house limbo (I’m calling it that) it makes these things all very difficult.
- The diet –
Apparently I am an endomorph? I am great at storing fat… not so great when you eat like I do. But if there is ever a zombie apocalypse or end of the world kind of deal in which I would have to survive for long periods of time without food, then hey I am the person that will out live you naturally skinny people. Ha! But the world hasn’t ended, and I don’t need to starve a little bit to survive. So… this survival trait is not helpful.
It’s also frustrating on a particularly fussy eater like myself that every diet plan you look at, or everyone I asked for advice all said the same thing. -‘Eat Salad’- I feel like screaming! How annoying, I don’t like salad, I tried to eat it, I really, really did. But the more I ate it the worse it tasted that in the end I dreaded eating which again isn’t helpful.
I needed a nutritional guide into what sort of meals could I make that were simple easy and flexible with my fussiness. And I think I have found it? Fingers crossed. My mum and I both chipped into this plan as we are both the same and it also comes with handy little home workouts.
They diet plan has suggested five small meals a day. Five? Jesus who has time to eat five times a day? I know I don’t. So, I have had to adjust that to fit in with what I can do. So two main meals and a lunch snack somewhere. All with as much water as possible. What’s nice about this diet is it has listed the substitutions if there is something you don’t like in the recipe. Point one for in favour from the fussy eater.
2. workouts –
These are short sweet, get the heart pumping and I can do at home without equipment. Considering I am poor, and will probably be poor for a little bit now, this is a godsend. I can work on my body, get the weight off and get stronger and not have to spend another penny. Woo! Well I will be spending money because I still want to train pole which I need the gym for until maybe hopefully soon me and the boyfriend move in together. *Fingers crossed* Then I can find a room in my house to practise all day.
This does however mean that I have to think more about my stretching… I’m already pretty stiff. I don’t need to get any worse. So, I have to make sure I keep on top of stretching after every mini workout. All I have to say to that is – argh – There is only one part of my body I love stretching, and everyone who has ever been in a stretch session with me will know it’s my shoulders. I love stretching my shoulders they feel so good! But anywhere else and I’m just like ‘aaaah! get me out of this position’. I am hoping that the more I stretch these other areas the less – argh – I’ll be and it’ll feel a little like my shoulders. But one can only hope until it happens.
Another new thing that has happened in the last three weeks or so is a friend and I have left a business that we were working for… I know big step! There are a lot of complicated, and really convoluted reasons behind such a decision. It would probably take a while to explain the ins and outs of this decision but it has happened… And if I am honest I have been feeling a constant nervous nausea in my stomach. I’m not overly confident in myself so that might be why. Or it might just be that I have lost my only source of income at the moment? Not sure but all I know is right now I am in an uncertainty limbo… It’s fucking terrifying.
Just to clarify we haven’t gone jobless, there are plans in the making and we are taking steps to build something but we have had a mix of support – on one hand the (the people who didn’t have us “employed”) have been amazing and supported our decision all the way. Which I thank all of you so much for, you don’t know how much better that makes me feel. Then on the other hand the (people who “employed” us) have been anything but supportive. Petty remarks, and if you’re reading this (not that I think you do or will) don’t think I don’t know that you are having a great bitching session at our expense, and don’t think we aren’t aware of your little followers petty posts pointed at us. We aren’t as naive as you called us.
Anyway, back to the point – I have things in the works, and my partner and I have things in the works as well. The only issue I have with these things in the works is… There are never any guarantees with anything and I know this. But there are even less guarantees with what I am aiming to do. Aah! fingers crossed! It’s terrifying.
Let me just explain – this is nothing like those stupid inspirational films, or books that you read in which the characters only focus on what they’re doing or what they want that they don’t think about anything else… Woah! back up! People like that must be scared all the time. All the time. I’m not even joking. And it isn’t like they do stuff and the opportunity just magically happens either. I want to see a film in which the overly focused character is terrified… always and always – there is so much to think about – the fact that I am self-employed is not made easy, the fact that these things all depend on if other people like them again not easy because people just hate on things because they can, or because they’re ashamed to like things or whatever or they just simply don’t care… and always constantly I have things going on I can’t keep thoughts in one place in my head. I wish minutes were longer!
This isn’t me complaining, I want to do this, I am just saying I am a terrified human being right now. Ha! Serves me right I suppose.
But on this journey I have goals that I need to make… –
- House! (With my boyfriend)
- Open a pole and aerial studio (far off future)
- Write (This has begun but not in the form I was expecting to be first)
You’d think these three goals wouldn’t be so much to make it! but … It is.
Mini personal goals… –
- Lose weight
- Get certified
Eek… I wonder which one will be first…