Have you ever had one of those days when you look at something, and realise ‘Holy shit I don’t know what I’m doing’. Well today has definitely been one of those days for me.
It hasn’t been a bad day, nor a horrific day. I was just in university. It was a module I don’t mind to attend as the subject of fiction applies to me. It is something I would like to work on in the future. The tutor was going through an assessment a previous student had written (this student passed so it’s fine). Have any of you in education experienced a moment when you look at something a teacher tells you not to do, and you know for a fact you do that very thing? Well, that epiphany hit me. Hard.
Academically, I am not poor but I’m not fantastic. I am average. Which is fine, I don’t fancy myself a scholarly genius by any stretch of the imagination. It was just a little disheartening that I enjoy writing, and yet I don’t appear to do well on my course. Or sorry, not as well as I think I probably should be doing.
So, I was feeling a little down. It isn’t because I’m not learning, or picking up the information. I’m just not good at displaying it in an exam, or assignment. Give me a piece to write creatively, and I think it might show that I have been listening. However, as education stands they require these moments of analytical practice with quotes, and exams that require immense amount of hours stressing over will I remember this. Trust me when I say we aren’t learning anything from this. As soon as whatever deadline or exam is over we all literally sit there and say ‘thank fuck we never have to do that again’. The brain filters out all the bits of extra information we needed for that one moment then deletes. I have to put this information into practice in order to make it valuable to me. Then my brain won’t just throw it away.
University doesn’t do that, and I was starting to feel a little bit like I’m not supposed to be on this course. What the fuck am I going to do…?
Then I got home.
I have already posted a picture of Bandit and Luna on a previous post. So I won’t go into too much detail about which is which. But I got home, and they were there waiting to greet me with their happy waggy tails. I went into the freezer and got them a healthy treat for them. Luna ate hers straight away no problem. Bandit sat on the couch not really doing anything with his. So I went and stroked him, he started licking his treat which slid off the couch. I caught it in my hand, and he ate it from my hand.
To fully understand what this means to me a little back story is needed. Bandit was considered food aggressive. He is the softest when taking treats, is moody but loves cuddles, and is falling apart a little bit (that’s a totally different story). I tried everything every behaviourist recommends, from taking food away halfway through eating, to standing over the bowl, to physically holding the bowl… It didn’t work. Then one day I just decided ‘here food, eat it, don’t eat it, I’ll just leave you to it’. It worked, he doesn’t give me that weird look whenever I’m near him and food is around. He does growl when I want to stroke him and his food is around. And just today he ate from my hand very comfortably. It just made my day.
To add to this luna.
Is starting to look really, really good. She has lost that initial bulkiness that she had from being overweight. Her body is starting to slim down to a healthier size. I just needed that little sign that I’m not always failing.
The two of them made my day. I feel a lot better about everything. So I’m not doing great on my assessments, my creative work gets high marks and that’s what matters to me. Bandit and luna are doing really well, and my fitness part of my life is going great. Plus just as an added extra bonus, I have a beautiful man in my life who is more than supportive, which I know a lot of people don’t have. So, I’m not feeling as low as I did before, all because my babies have shown me I’m not a total screw up.